Valerie kuar8/10/2023 ![]() Each morning, I wake to the gift of a new lifetime. "Now, are you ready to let go of this lifetime? Are you ready to think of the work you have done today and know that it was enough? Are you ready to behold everyone and everything you have ever known and loved, kiss them, and let them go? Are you ready to die a kind of death?"Įach night, I die a kind of death. "What are you most grateful for in this lifetime? Every day and every lifetime offers a new reason for gratitude. "What was the most joyful part of this lifetime?" Every day and every lifetime, no matter how hard, contains moments of joy. How did you get through it?" We somehow managed to make it to the end of this day, the end of this lifetime. "What was the hardest part in this lifetime? Notice where you sense that hardship in your body. “Think of today as an entire lifetime," Wise Woman says to me before I fall asleep. See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love ![]() ![]() So I ask myself, What is this story demanding of me? What will I do now that I know this?” As Hannah Arendt says, 'One trains one's imagination to go visiting.' When the story is done, we must return to our skin, our own worldview, and notice how we have been changed by our visit. As soon as I notice feeling unmoored, I try to pull myself back into my body, like returning home. Sometimes I start to lose myself in their story. I try to understand what matters to them, not what I think matters. The most critical part of listening is asking what is at stake for the other person. I just need to feel safe enough to stay curious. She is a lawyer, documentary filmmaker, and interfaith organizer who helps communities tell their stories and organize for social change. But I also know that it's okay if I don't feel very much for them at all. Valarie Kaur is a Non-Residential Fellow at the Stanford Center for Internet and Society. Empathy is cognitive and emotional-to inhabit another person's view of the world is to feel the world with them. I am always partially listening to the thoughts in my own head when others are speaking, so I consciously quiet my thoughts and begin to listen with my senses. When I really want to hear another person's story, I try to leave my preconceptions at the door and draw close to their telling. It is enough.“Deep listening is an act of surrender. ![]() ![]() But I also know that it's okay if I don't feel very much for them at all. ![]()
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